The Intelligent Insecure!


Have you met such people? I have. Here is a first hand account of their personality and behaviour. The most paradoxical feature about this special category of people is that their real nature can be unpredictable for a long time, until that time you would even mistake them as an angel descended from the heaven.But, however rare, you do sometimes meet such characters in life.

Before we go to describe this typical personality let’s first understand that ‘insecurity’ of a person happens to be their core and predominant characteristic. It is not selective – an insecure person is insecure everywhere – in all areas of life. You’ll hardly find a person who’s emotionally insecure was socially, financially or physically secure too. Regardless of the wealth they possess, they would be insecure in their minds. Yes, Insecurity is a psychological phenomenon. As you read this article, please be clear that insecurity involves everything – wealth, relationship, society, health, prestige, honour, properties, performance, lifestyle, self-respect, priorities, appearance, personality, goodwill – in fact anything which is susceptible to stumble or stagger. Accordingly, the insecure person can be and is more often than not insecure about any of these things. I repeat therefore that insecurity happens to be a central characteristic which relates to all these areas and more.

Physical aspects of the intelligent-insecure:

The intelligent-insecure person would dress well, go for make-ups and present a calm and harmless demeanour. I’ve a close friend who goes to the washroom at every reasonable stoppage during a journey. If she were to stop at a place for about 20 minutes and the next base was just a half an hour away, she would make sure that she would visit the washroom on arrival and departure to each such points.

Behavioural aspects of the intelligent-insecure person:

By nature you’ll find this person over-cautious, panicky, nervous, public-shy and often volatile. They would avoid discussions, meetings, gatherings and public presentations. They would rather prefer to couch behind a comfortable shell and not take risks unless compelled and challenged by those that matter in their lives. In other situations, where they knew that such an enterprise made little difference to their existence, they would just ignore the opportunity and, on the contrary, view it as an obligation. Safety and caution are their best friends for these three are incessantly together.

The intelligent-insecure are generally highly protective of self and others that matter in their lives. They will always be uneasy without an extra guard in most circumstances nor will they allow their close ones to take any risk. They would personally escort their children to places taking all kinds of pains ignoring their own health and comforts. They will study and prepare their lessons satisfactorily, well not so much to learn and evolve internally but to stay safe and unaffected from social embarrassments and disasters. They are prone to carrying an extra ounce of self-respect while moving in their surroundings lest their life is not put to some kind of unexpected trial and jeopardy. In case of any face-to-face encounter with close-circle friends, relatives, or associates they would inevitably project an extra-ordinarily high level of self confidence and even perform a few extra bids to establish their own point of cognizance but you may find them missing, manipulative, diplomatic, tactful, absent and avoiding when required to take a bigger risk. They will apply their minds in full and use their heart selectively; only in very private circumstances whenever they feel such emotional exercises concerns their perceived needs and priorities.

The intelligent-insecure people are provisionally unaware of a steep challenge, which naturally comes their way. This is one thing that they are unable to guard in advance and often from this point their lives take a different turn making them isolated, loners, face-avoiders, aggressive and desperate. It is interesting to look at this carefully:

Their close ones with whom they relate quickly discover this rather prominent trait and try to bring this to their notice by refuting, reacting or discussing. Unfortunately this kind of behavioural trait is the most difficult to be reversed. This is when the insecure is trapped and their security needs tend to emerge vigorously. They would go all out to ensure that their main pursuit of safety and security is preserved at any cost and this time with a greater certainty. This is when you will see them coming out to take a few very unprecedented, aggressive and heartless steps to secure their life’s immediate and real priorities by ruthlessly deciding to give up those that come in the way of attaining their priorities. Let’s understand this more clearly through an example. An emotionally insecure person without any apparent financial insecurity can go for a relationship to restore and replenish this shortfall. They would do anything to secure this shortfall and may travel extra miles, do outstanding feats and make towering commitments to stabilize this potential relationship. But when this person is demanded to take a bigger risk to uphold those commitments which may threaten his financial or social security, he can be violent, volatile and frenzied and would deny all commitments and become prepared to even withdraw from the relationship if necessary. In the process such people can be extremely diplomatic in applying their mind’s intelligence and ignore the sentiments of others. However much they may look calm and patient, they can burst anytime.

All said, it needs all kinds of people to make this world. So, what do we learn from this? The first lesson is that ‘insecurity’ is a learned phenomenon and so it can be harnessed or replaced mainly with self- awareness. Seldom does a victim of this disorder becomes able to appreciate their problem and seeks external advice – the effects or consequences are indeed a lot less obsessive in their case. They can then be easily helped by way of professional training, coaching, counselling or NLP methods. Second lesson, though a sequel to the first, is more crucial. It is that all kinds of insecurities generally have their roots in our very young age. Unwise parenting with over-protecting and pampering attitudes unconsciously deliver the seeds of insecurity in their children. What we often do to make our children feel that that they are loved and cared for may not often be the best ways to help them being groomed as a complete person.

Proper parental training or counselling is no longer an optional alternative in this edge. It is rather imperative and some syndicated regimens of these modes should be adopted centrally as a part of our governance for the primary and school education. Wiser parents that are able to see their children as contributing future citizens in turn render them permanently insulated from this obnoxious behavioural trap.